...is that it provides you with that much needed boost of energy you're always looking for at midnight, regardless of whatever time you planned on getting up the next day.
I used to chalk it up to weird nerves or something, until I read--about a year ago-- about RLS and I was like... man, does that ever capture me!
It comes and goes with no rhyme or reason, as far as I can tell. Now, the big difference are drugs like Ambien.
Still, it's fun to blame it on "nerves" (whatever those are) and use the excuse to blog something fast at my mother-in-law's.
Last month has felt like a tipping point for me. It is clear that Blueprint won't be making the same first-year dash that New Map did. PR is the big driver in book sales, I find, and I'm just not the fresh new thing I was in 2004. Plus, where most reviewers could be blown away by the system-level diagnostics of PNM, as many readers have pointed out the same cannot be true of BFA because there I go supremely prescriptive, and prescriptions scare people a whole lot more than diagnoses.
But, truth be told, I knew all along I was writing BFA too fast for the market, given the scope of both. If was just that, at the time, that pathway was perfect for me in so many ways: I had all the material in hand, I had the time, it triggered the inevitable forced departure from the Naval War College and thus the government, it made Putnam happy, and I was convinced I needed the income right then (which I did) in my career. The same logic pushed me in the direction of exclusive agency relationship with Leigh Bureau (about to run out in around 60 days): I saw the writing and the speeching as essential pathways to achieving the stature and reach and income flow I needed to effect the departure from the East Coast.
And it all worked wonderfully. And I don't regret any of it whatsoever--especially writing BFA so fast on the heels of PNM. I had to write BFA so fast because I needed to get all those logic pathways down in print, lest PNM's diagnosis leave me open to too much interpretation of what such policies and strategies might logically ensue. And yes, the Vol. III option sits there, ready to roll on both the sides of my usual ledger: the profound and the mundane, or the descriptions of great visions interspersed with the details of the visioneer.
But I feel myself now tipping down such a different pathway, and I am surprised to be feeling this way so quickly.
The main change agent here is Steve DeAngelis, of course, who's shown me two things: the real reach of my work and the real capacity that exists in productizing it in high-level consulting with a host of both national security related companies (the obvious ones) and associated public sector entities (both here and among logical allies), as well as with a secondary circle of global corporations that naturally seek such content and advice (this is the bigger surprise to me).
The other serious change agent has been my speaking agent, Jennifer Posda, who, along with Steve, has shown me how my thought leadership can be translated into more than just one-off speeches.
So I find myself, right on the eve of buying this house in Indiana, now considering that my planned income streams and all the places such work will take me are potentially quite radically different than I was expecting just six months ago. Back then I imagined the public policy writer route as supreme, buttressed by speeching gigs. But now, as I go into more and more rooms arranged by Steve and Jenn, I come to see a far more exclusive yet more far reaching path that puts me less on camera and in print and more in boardrooms and in senior official settings.
Either way earns the comfortable living. I'm good at what I do and I work very hard at it. I'm just surprised to find myself riding this decent writing wave and discovering that, while I still need it, I don't really NEED IT in the way that I until very recently thought. It becomes less the driver of career choices and more just the conduit of expression.
Soon, very soon I think, I will find myself writing less to be "out there" building that persona and more just to signal what I want signaled, and the real influence I wield will be more behind closed doors than on bully pulpits.
Of course, this path dovetails nicely with the notion that you move away from the obvious path to power to take your sojourn in the real world, make your money, and then return more ready for the struggle. And perhaps that notion still works for me somewhere in my head, but I do wonder.
More and more I discover that what I say makes a whole helluva lot more sense to the private sector than to the public one--much less the silly academic crowd. I just don't have to fight for either recognition or serious consideration there, as the business world seems to get my logic from the get go, unlike all the goofy "realists" who crowd the usual bastion of public sector policy authority (My definition of a realist? A poli sci type too stupid to get international economics, the proudest "A" I ever earned.)
And that's been the big surprise for me over the past months as BFA received less approval from the cognoscenti types and suffered lower sales: meanwhile my status with practitioners in both public and private sector settings has skyrocketed. So my assumption, long held, that acceptance among those I want acceptance from most must necessarily be accompanied by a celebrity/sales status is suddenly put at risk. I find myself fearing a peaking on the public persona trajectory just as the private persona takes off.
In other words, I assumed a never-ending treadmill of chasing public approval and fame as the price for the real influence I sought, and I seemed to have already passed over into that desired influence realm with the result being little clear impetus for continuing to devote so much of my career to maintaining the public persona.
Doesn't mean I suddenly go away. It just means a new balance, one that I have been hinting at (to both myself and you) for the past few months, I guess, as it began to dawn on me what Steve and Jenn were saying was true about where I am in my career.
Vision-wise, the good news is that I feel better positioned now than ever to accomplish the global work I truly, madly, deeply believe in. I just don't know if I'll be using books, Esquire, the blog, the column in ways I had previously assumed. I don't know how to say it any better than that right now, though I wish I could.
I guess I just feel like I've been working on this cocoon thing for so damn long and so damn hard that I'm amazed to feel myself waking up as something other than the caterpillar I once was.
The past few weeks working with Steve and plotting with Jenn have really been eye-openers. I can basically make all the money I want from here on out, which immediately makes the issue of making money irrelevant (As Mr. Bernstein said in "Citizen Kane": "It's not hard to make a lot of money, when all you want to do is make a lot of money."). Other than the time and experiences it buys me and mine, I just don't find it interesting except that it makes problems that typically intrude upon my creative space simply go away.
So the real challenge comes in spotting the worthy challenges and goals presented to me by this perceived new phase in my life. I'm coming up on 44, so if I decide certain things are events or goals or achievements worth pursuing, then they better be about the best years of my adult productive life. I mean, if I want to change the world for the better, now is not the time to get shy or hesitant on the subject--just focused on the pathways.
What Steve and I are working toward right now is a very powerful package of thought leadership with attendant methodologies and technologies about which I grow ever more certain can shape some serious history on many levels. I don't think Steve shows up by accident: in the end, we both self-select each other (and ditto for wise Jenn).
I dunno. I just feel this "A Team," as Steve likes to call Enterra, simply coming together in my life. Today it is called Enterra, tomorrow it may be called something else, but I think the machinery of the core team is starting to mesh together in ever more powerful ways. I see that power, and I recognize my role in it, and it feels like I just walked into the Green Bay Packer locker room in 1960, and I can see the possibilities lying ahead.
And so one achieves that rare clarity I always associate with momentous change in my life: I see all possibilities while holding nothing sacred. I feel empowered but unencumbered. Other than the consistency of my family, all seems negotiable in a 360-degree circle around this growing A Team. We're ready to work in all directions, for all clients, for all achievements--so long as they remain true to our guiding philosophies on war, peace, prosperity, markets, individual freedom, etc.
And with that package now surrounding me, I feel myself on the verge of more creativity in coming years than in the previous half-century. The only uncertainty for me is: how much and to whom will I logically share it?
So I sit here feeling odd. I'm pretty close too abandoning the idea of trying to write Vol. III this year (and maybe ever, in the original form I imagined it), and I could definitely see curtailing the effort on articles, the blog and even speeches, becoming all more selective in those venues. All this to push ahead hard on a pathway of influence I once imagined could only happen within government and now I grow ever more convinced can only happen in the private sector.
I wonder if this is purely me and if I'm not sensing some larger shift going on for people like me? Or it is just where I am in my age range/career/family situation? Or am I going through that normal wilderness phase? Or am I catching onto something truly profound that says "yes" not only to me but to history as a whole?
Then again, maybe it's just the natural creative phasing going on: I've written my two great volumes, I've spoken just about everywhere great speakers end up speaking, and I've gotten to work my writing gears now at all levels (books, articles, columns, blogs). Maybe I built this Indiana cocoon on purpose? Maybe the next transformation comes faster than I realize.
Well, that's about as good as it will get tonight, as the Ambien creeps in. Still, this sense of tipping point feels very profound to me, and I'm betting, thanks to Steve and Jenn, that I will be valuing a whole lot of things very differently within a year.
So what does that make me in the meantime? Not so sure. Just hope it ain't cranky. Certainly it will alienate some while attracting others. It always works that way, so I learned to stop caring about that dynamic a long time ago.
But my sense is that I will be walking into many fantastic rooms in coming months and years, rooms pregnant with the potential to tilt human history.
And I know this: my posse will be one magnificent crew and we'll give it our best shots.