Confessing my sins

Funny, but now with the outline of the book being published, I'm getting all these emails asking if I'm a recovering alcoholic (the 12 steps), when I keep wondering why nobody asks if I'm going to hell (7 Deadly)!

I used the 12-steps bit on a piece years ago concerning the Indian Navy. I just love the progression of statements. Ditto with the deadly sins. They're just methods for analyzing something hugely complex from a limited number of angles that are easily explained to the reader, so an organizing tool--not a confessional statement.

I do admire the program a lot, though, and know plenty of people who've had their lives saved by it, including a relative. If you want to see a great depiction of that lifeline, watch "Rachel Gets Married" (Anne Hathaway, now there's my current actress addiction!).

I will admit to inhaling a lot of beer in college--as in, drinking to dysfunction. I will also tell you that I met my first-year dorm fellow (my first authority figure at college) passing out weed at a pot rally on the steps of the capitol in Madison. So much for authority.

I will also tell you I maintained a 3.9 at Wisconsin and won entry into every single academic honors club available to me. So while I partied hard, I studied harder--and fell in love.

I lived like a monk at Harvard. The competition was just too fierce, plus, I like to replace my addictions on a regular basis, meaning I'm a mania-of-the-week kind of guy. I don't have the patience for true, life-long addiction.

Vonne is the only addiction I've maintained consistently since (simply by falling in love with her all over again several times each year). I can't even make that statement about the Packers.

Having had beyond-top-secret clearances now for roughly one-third of my life (although I'm currently moving to dump my active clearance with Energy, because I feel like it's a waste of taxpayer money), all of my sins are a scrupulously recorded matter of public record. I have no idea what my sins would have been if I were growing up today. Madison and the UW are clearly different places than when I went there. Plus, I came of age in the 1970s, a very shifting decade (in many ways, far more than the 1960s when a lot of stuff was torn down but not really replaced until the shifts of the next decade came to fruition--like women changing the workplace big time).

Anyway, the addictions available to kids today are really different. Almost nobody pursued sports in an addictive fashion when I was a kid, but plenty do today (especially around here, where it's scary how beaten-up athletes are by the time they reach 20--meaning they end up with bodies I wouldn't trade mine for today or even--God help me--20 years from now). Videogames and the internet create a lot of addictions (and ruin marriages, as I have seen), but we had only 3 TV channels plus PBS and maybe a couple (on a good reception day) syndicating local channels. In short, addiction is a lot harder to measure, I think, in today's world. Just consider the Crackberry. Obama will have an easier time skipping cigs than that, I guarantee you. It's probably the most dangerous addiction I have (my Treo) today--as in, it can kill you if you're not careful when you use it (my worst is sometimes typing while crossing streets in major cities--beyond stupid).

I only know this: once I bumped into allergies in my late 20s, I began living for moments of clarity, not the fog of sensory confusion (which I get to enjoy every morning, whether I want it or not). Imagine waking up every day feeling like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before (I haven't tossed from liquor in years, but can do so at the drop of a hat with my allergies, which is humbling). Indiana has proven to be especially bad in this regard, meaning we will leave here as soon as it's financially feasible. It's just too depressing to have to struggle like that everyday. I feel like it makes it too hard for me to be a good father and husband--this undercurrent of crankiness.

I do love a well-made martini, but they're like my wife's cheesecakes: if you tried those every night, you'd quickly grow sick of them because of the intensity of the taste/flavor.

I will drink a 6-pack of IBC root beer if you leave it around, though. That stuff is like seawater--as in, the more you drink, the thirstier you become for the flavor, until you're like some ravenous character in Willy Wonka who's going to explode.

I'm bad around hummus too.

I've broken the whole cottage cheese thing by living for years in states without a decent dairy industry. Most of what passes for it around this country is stuff I wouldn't feed a dog.

I guess you could say that my one true addiction nowadays is public speaking. I really do go into withdrawal when I have a lengthy break. I get depressed and full of self-doubt. And I guess I really do organize a big chunk of my life to maintain that addiction (all this writing to attract gigs)--and that's the key sign (organizing your life to maintain access).

But as with all things, self-awareness is key. Everyone I know is going to die someday, with far too many preceding me. I don't want any filters for my experiences. I enjoy immediacy most of all nowadays--in my personal relationships, in my faith, in my work. It's been a long journey to get to this point, and I have no intention of regressing.

So stop the insinuations!

Comments

[Louis Heberlein]

Next time consider using prime number topic groups. For those that notice, it could create more profound speculation ... and room for an open ended expansion in the future. ;-)

[Lexington Green]

Never owned a TV. Cannot drink enough to be an alky -- I get sick too soon. No other drugs. And six months ago I GOT RID OF the Blackberry. So? The Internet is constantly threatening to be a life destroying addiction.

I do not envy my kids growing up now.

But, we are robust beasts, we humans. All will be well.

[Tom Barnett]

I agree.

[Erin Madsen]

I'm going to break you of your IBC addiction right now, by supplanting it with 2 that are much better. Get ready.

For the second best root beer in the land, Wisconsin's own Sprecher makes the best that is widely available. Comes in a pack of four, available at most grocery markets and, oddly enough, Menard's home improvement, if you have those out in Indiana.

The Best, as in--I Will Judge All Other Beverages by the Ambrosia that is______--is, without a doubt, the root beer made by the Henry Weinhards company. You can't get it east of Nebraska, so you'll have to wait until you get closer to the west coast. But, man oh man, you will never appreciate another mere soda after having drunk it. I tell no lie.

[Jimmy J.]

For some years vodka martinis were my addiction. They have the ability to induce total relaxation, and for some perverse reason they actually taste exquisite to my palate. It got to the point where one was never enough and four were three too many.

So I moved on to.......the blogosphere, my new addiction. It some times makes my head ache, but I can go days without a fix, so maybe it isn't really an addiction, just a guilty pleasure.