Parenting, spanking and yelling

ARTICLE: For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking, By HILARY STOUT, New York Times, October 21, 2009

I will confess to this one.

Problem is, my kids yell back.

I don't remember spanking working that way.

Comments

[David Sutton]

Was talking to my wife about this the other night. As we plan a family we start to engage in debate about which rule sets to use.

We come from different schools. Me the occasional spank if what we did was so out of the ordinary or dangerous to us, she from the school of, I'll give you something to cry about.

[Garrett G.]

Spanking is still legal?

Actually, I think spanking is necessary for the sake of negative reinforcement (when "positively-only" reinforcement isn't enough) and, therefore, for healthy development of children (provided it is done in a controlled fashion and does not get out of hand, aka abusive--that is always detrimental). In contrast, shouting shows a loss of control that is probably always counter-productive in a number of ways.

Of course, shouting will probably remain legal. Spanking, methinks, will probably not. Meaning, of course, that the same system/government that precludes (or discourages) parents from the painful choice of disciplining their children (when necessary) will take it upon itself to do the correction itself, via the penal system.

[large]

A whack on the butt never hurt much but feelings, and up to about 6-7 yrs old, is pretty effective if used very sparingly. More than two whacks constitute abuse in some quarters and probably shouldn't be applied. But they must be applied at the time of the "Final" infraction . . You can't "put them in the Bank" and apply later . .

Whacks of any kind in public generally get attention from people who know little of the circumstance but feel you're out of place . . And a whack on a kid over the age of 6-7 generally breeds more resentment than respect . . Nothing gained . . YOU just feel better (and if you do, then you need to give your parenting style a good hard look)

Same goes with the raising of one's voice, which if applied sparingly (also) tends to work well into the teen years . . moreso on girls than boys (in my experience) . . boys seem to need more reason, which sometimes you can apply (and sometimes you can't) if approached right and your son(s) respects your opinion . . (Of course, when a teen aged boy is between 14 and about 20, his Dad is an idiot . . just the way it is, but he may still respect you enough to listen to you) . . I was lucky in that!

[Javaid Akhtar]

"I don't remember spanking working that way."That is so funny.

I'm not a father , but I would have thought that raising your voice was the first form of language .A roar indicating discontent and thus causing fear in the (preferably ) smaller 'lunged' object of said roar.A good roar resolves many situations and a fight does not ensue.Very useful conflict resolution tool.