The interregnum
Friday, May 4, 2007 at 4:24AM I just can't pick up a newspaper, and I just feel no impetus to blog.
It's like the screen popped up and demanded a "restart."
Part of it was getting through the Esquire piece, which I now realize was easier than I thought, primarily because Warren is Warren. It's amazing to see him take about 15,000 words (when all is said and done) and turn it into a little over 6k. He's pulling from fore and aft and everything just falls into place, like some Rubik's Cube he can put together blind-folded. You sit next to him, watching, and you can't believe he can do it. It seemed so complex to you just a few minutes ago, and he's rationalized the whole thing in a few days (often working late into the night, which I can't manage, as I am a morning writer and an evening reader).
Part of it is roughly 100 flights so far this year, and more hotel rooms than I can remember, which are really starting to creep me out (there is something so amazingly random about sleeping in strange places all the time, and my trips are so classically three nights at three different hotels).
Part of it is the inevitably ramping up of requirements from the kids as they grow up.
Part of it is simply realizing you stay connected to your spouse or you lose her inevitably.
Part of it is that I'm naturally an introvert who needs a lot of downtime.
But I'm sensing the biggest part is that build-up before the storm of creativity. I really feel the need to write this book welling up.
Then I think: Good God man! You've cranked three 6k-plus articles this year (one sitting with Esquire for consideration), plus a column every week, plus the blog. And you did all that travel.
You're just tired.
Last Saturday I tried to play Joe Homeowner really fast by spraying all the weeds. Jumping under the deck, I did my best crab walk, hyperextending my right knee, so I've had the opportunity to limp all this week, feeling very middle-aged.
That wears on you some, but it also focuses the mind: What do you want to do?
I want to write that book.
I don't want to try and parent kids at roughly 15 minutes a week.
I don't want to lose track of my marriage.
I'd someday like to be the U.S. ambassador to China.
I want to die somewhere other than Earth.
I want to maintain deep friendships with people I care about, like Steve and Mark and others.
I want religious faith like I had when I was 12 years old, and served maybe 300 times a year.
I want to understand the passage of time better.
I want to effect a worldwide revolution in thinking about war and peace.
I want my own luxury box at Lambeau.
I want to do a show on Broadway.
I want to play hundreds of rounds of golf with my sons, later with my adopted daughters.
I want to want what I've got instead of getting what I want (my favorite Sheryl Crow line).
I want to read books about Teddy Roosevelt.
I want to hold more babies.
I want to resume playing the piano like it's the most important thing in my life, which it will never be, but I wanna play like it is.
I think that's it.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Reboot complete.
Reader Comments (13)
Dr. Thomas P.M. Barnett stars in Andrew Lloyd Weber's smash hit," Phantom of...the Pentagon's...new map !?"
"I want to read books about Teddy Roosevelt."
Read some *by* Teddy Roosevelt too ( _Rough Riders_ was fun)
Now, it looks like you are getting bounced around.
Maybe read anything short form written before the Enlightenment...watch my wife's favorite film 'Pride and Prejudice' (the one with Keira Knightly)...ride a horse...go to the speedway and find out why driving in a circle is interesting to so many otherwise normal people.
N.T. Wright's 'Simply Christian' will catch you up C.S. Lewis-style on engaging biblical faith in the mod/postmod world.
Then, maybe read Acts/Romans with a strategist's eye...how did Paul get into so much trouble, endure so much criticism from ostensible allies and keep all those explosive theological issues suspended in his mind only to write and speak shattering truth at the right time? That guy made some world-change happen.
(By the way, when did history end? 30 A.D. @ Judea or 1806 @ Jena...can't have it both ways - the endgames are too different)
I miss your exposition on some of the core stuff from PNM. Narrative is vital and you give that through the news clips, but I want to apply your material to my work (still searching for the 'cannibalizing agent' for healthcare). Got any new killer slides to drop now and again?
You are an apostle/evangelist who can rock me-focused worlds. I'd like my world rocked once in a while...my system perturbed. I know the best stuff is for paying clients, but maybe there are some crumbs lying around your laptop.
Wishing you and yours the best...thanks for your example...praying.
As to the family -- quality time = quantity time. Harsh, zero sum reality.
Carve out some fixed time per day for personal prayer, places to moor the boat amidst all the storms and travel.
"But we can't afford Department of Everything Else Mr. President..."
'Hey, what if we put on a show!"
"Why That's a great Idea Judy!"
Featuring hit songs such as:
"System Administrators in Love"
"A to Z and China and Me"
"The Big Bang Polka"
"Connectivity, Schmectivity"
"Loving Brett Favre in a Totally Not Gay Way"
"The Globilization Song"
"Perturbations and Meditations"
"Rule-Set Lament"
Wanting what you've got. . . for what it's worth, think of how many of us would love to have what you've got. Sounds a little creepy, the way I worded it, but truthfully, you've got a career where you can think for a living, be respected for it, see new places, influence the powerful and support a family. Heck, those of us who are single find the family aspect alone worthy of envy.
now i'm thinking it's going to be pretty hard to beat ps ;-)
Michael: Kevin has gotten to go on a couple of the business trips (Hawaii and Baltimore/DC). Emily went to a meeting in Indianapolis. but i'm guessing too often it would disrupt the family's life to go with Tom. even if Vonne could go, who'd keep the four little Barnett's humming?
natural to want what Tom's got. but can you tell from reading just this post how hard it is?
But I was good at my job.......pushing the big iron through the sky. And how I loved the flying as well as the people I worked with. It never would have worked without the miraculous woman who stayed home and kept everything on an even keel. She too was good at what she did and.......she also loved it. It was a partnership. And that is what family life is - a group of related people working together to maximize the talents, abilities and needs of all hands. We made the most of days off, vacations, and stolen moments.
Oh yeah, it's never enough, and you feel guilty. But at bottom you are good at what you do and you know you love it. When it's all too much and you can't go on, you'll know it.
By the way, I've been retired 14 years and have managed to visit some of my deferred dreams. (Though none as grandiose as some of yours.) Good luck on yours.